Rewind

From among my many flaws, I find anger the most fulfilling and destructive.
I probably wasn't like this as a kid, but somewhere along the way, I learned how to lose my nerve at any time. If someone said something to anger me, I didn't hold back. It didn't matter whether it was a friend or my mother. Until a few months back, I rarely lost my shit when talking to Dad, no matter how irrational his behaviour.

Anger is not to be admired, and diplomacy goes a long way. It's not as if I'm an uncouth crusader for rage rights; I've just found it easier to give in to the boiling blood syndrome. Also, I've never been the type who can appease. Hell, I am the kind of person who needs to be appeased. I've rarely submitted to someone else's will if it clashes directly in principle with mine. I'm not trying to make myself look like I'm hard to get along with, it's the exact opposite of that. In professional and social dealings, rationality and cooperation prevails. I have people skills and I know it. What I don't have is the patience to apply those people skills on the rare occasion when someone tries to put their foot through the door. No sir, you may not- now back off, or else.

Do you sense a deeply defensive tendency there? It probably exists in a greatly evolved form. The veritable monster, as some would put it.

Unfortunately, there are times I feel the most in my element only when I'm exceptionally pissed off and spewing venom. I rarely say things that I regret, even if I am forced to put up a facade of repentance later, to preserve some semblance of humanity. In fact, most of the things I say when I'm angry are outbursts of repressed opinions when it comes to my interactions with my mother or father.
I've got a terrible temper, and a seething tongue, and instead of being ashamed, I merely embrace it. Not that I completely condone my behaviour; I merely enjoy being myself, if this is who I am now.